“Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind, and those who mind, don’t matter.”

Quite a while ago, Vincent, my cousin by marriage, posted the above quote on Facebook. I believe it is attributed to Theodor Geisel, aka Dr. Seuss, but a number of quotes carrying similar meaning have been in existence for quite some time. When I read the quote, I thought of how so many people, from the very young to the elderly, adapt their personalities to become a part of a group. The question is how much of your true self do you forfeit in the need for acceptance?

When I read the quote, I saw myself as a teenager, my daughters as teenagers, and now, my granddaughters. I thought about how difficult those years were for me and how I hope they will be easier for my granddaughters. I thought about how children in their need to be a part of a group rather than apart from a group, try on personalities unnatural to their own. I thought about how much can be lost as well as gained in a person’s need for acceptance.

Childhood years are filled with new situations requiring some sort of personality adjustments. These adjustments are necessary if we are to build confidence in our ability to handle many of life’s uncertainties that will cross our paths as we age. We learn from our parents what it means to have socially acceptable behavior. Our teachers help define acceptable classroom behavior. But, what about our peers? During peer interaction what defines acceptable behavior when we are apart from our parents, our role models, and our teachers?

In my blog, I once wrote about how I had dropped a friend in order to become a part of a popular group. I can still remember the jealousy I felt watching Lorrie interact with the neighborhood children. I adjusted my behavior by dropping a friend and taking on a personality in conflict with my nature in order to belong. During those developmental years, I was too insecure and reserved to be true to myself. Besides, who was I? I hadn’t quite figured myself out at that stage of my life. It wasn’t until years and many friendships later that I was able to define the word “self” with the understanding that the definition takes on deeper meaning as I take on more years.

In my opinion and through my many years of observing young children, finding and defining one’s “self” is a lengthy process. When I look at May and Eloise and see how far they have come since letting their voices be heard, I wonder what lengths they will go to in order to belong to a desired group of friends. They will have to adapt some aspects of their personalities to some degree, but I sincerely hope that the essence of their beings – showing compassion, understanding, kindness, thoughtfulness, respect for others -all the wonderful qualities that they possess, are never compromised in their need to belong.

As I type this blog, I backtrack to my thoughts on the quote cited at its start. I believe that in order to be true to yourself, you have to grow into who your true self is and that takes many years of experimenting and adjusting along the way; our personalities are constantly evolving through our interactions with others. It also takes keeping an open-mind to the opinions and actions of others. We are all spun from different cloths. One person’s fabric isn’t necessarily superior to another’s; just different..